A tried and tested five step method for overcoming sexual performance anxiety and learning how to not cum too soon!

stop premature ejaculation

As you can probably tell by the title, I wrote this guide to help you learn how to not cum too fast. Now, before we begin, I think it’s only fair to let you know who I am and why I am writing this. Just like you, I am a regular guy who had been dealing with premature ejaculation for a very long time.

Since I became sexually active, I thought that I was simply lacking sexual stamina or too put it more bluntly, that I was cumming too early. Sometimes I couldn’t even last more than two minutes! Thankfully, my sexual partners (I haven’t had many since I am kind of a monogamous guy who only goes for long-term relationships) were always kind about it and never brought the issue up, at least not in an explicit way.

I couldn’t help but feeling that I was letting them down though. I kept feeling that those beautiful and kind women were doing all they could to satisfy me and I couldn’t return the favor. Needless to say, that feeling wrecked me and made me only think about why I was cumming too soon and what I could do to fight it.

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As I later found out, those thoughts were actually a HUGE part of my problem. In worrying how to better myself in the sack, I was actually making myself even worse! I am getting ahead of myself though, this is something I will explain in detail in the next session.

My point is, that I understand how all of you are feeling because I have been there. Thankfully, I have managed to overcome my problem and I no longer worry about premature cum. It was a long and difficult journey to get here, but If I could do it, then so can you.

Before I start to analyze the problem of premature ejaculation i would like to mention two books which i suggest you buy and read that helped me to overcome the pe problem :

1.The Ejaculation by Command Method (Complete step-by-step strategies and techniques to re-train and re-wire your mind and body so that you can have longer-lasting sex and at the same time give your partner a pleasurable experience she never thought was possible)

2.The Ejaculation Trainer Method (It provides a full explanation on how you react during sex and also ways to control your urge plus methods to have power over your ejaculatory reflex)

Let us continue below…

This article contains everything you will need to get over this problem. It will you get to the root of it and deal with it once and for all. What is the root of it you may ask? Well, the answer may shock you, but for pretty much every case of men cumming too fast there is one culprit: a little devil known as sexual anxiety.

What is sexual performance anxiety and how it affects male cumming

I am sure you know by now that anxiety is not a good thing and that it actually causes problems or outright ruins many part of our lives. It is closely related with heart disease and strokes after all. As you can probably tell, anxiety and sex should never be part of the same sentence, unless that sentence is “anxiety is really bad for sex”.  Why is that though? Well, in order to get a clearer picture of that, we will need to delve a little bit deeper into the very nature of anxiety.

What is anxiety, anyway?

Believe it or not, anxiety is not a disorder. It is something very natural. It is closely connected to the famous “flight or fight” response that all animals have. In other words, it is closely connected with survival.

Anxiety is essentially a state of high alert. Your body tells your mind that something isn’t right, that danger is all around, that something bad is going to happen. Back when we used to live in caves, this feeling of high alert was triggered by weird sounds in the bushes, crushed branches and other signs that would indicate that a sabretooth tiger or some other apex predator was near. In other words, it was a feeling of dread that kept our ancestors alive.

This emotional state will simply not leave us. It is hardwired in all living beings. What can be changed however, are the factors that trigger it.

We don’t live in caves nowadays (if you do, then please let me know how you are reading this!) and we don’t hunt or forage for our food. This means that our anxiety and “fight or flight” response is no longer triggered by the possibility of being eaten by an Apex predator. When was the last time you saw a man eating animal in your neighborhood, after all!

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Anxiety in modern man is mostly triggered by factors that affect our livelihood and psychology. Instead of protecting us from being eaten, anxiety nowadays protects from being fired and from experiencing negative emotions. This is where sex comes in.

Sexual anxiety

What is sex about? Ask a robot or Wikipedia and they will answer that it is about passing on your genes and ensuring the survival of your species. Ask a regular person however and he or she will tell you that it’s all about having fun. I mean, what is cumming if not a clear display of enjoying a great amount of pleasure. Is it just that though?

Well, since, like me, you have been asking yourself the question “why do I ejaculate so quickly?”, then it’s clear that although we say sex is all about pleasure, we, subconsciously, have connected said pleasure and satisfaction with performance.

Anxiety in bed has its roots in our obsession with sexual performance. Anxiety’s mission is to keep us from experiencing negative feelings. If we connect poor sexual performance with feelings of dejection and of lack of self-worth, then our mind and our body will do everything in their power to keep us from experiencing them. Since sexual performance is connected with sex (duh!), your mind and body will work together to make it last as little as possible.

Bad sexual performance is the sabretooth tiger in the bushes as far as your anxiety is concerned and premature cum, is what will get you away from it. What I am trying to say, is that by constantly worrying about whether you are not lasting enough in bed, you essentially make yourself cum too fast.

How this guide will help you learn how to not cum too fast.

Like I said earlier, I too was a victim of sexual anxiety and an almost constant premature ejaculator. However, I studied my problem and got through it. I combined all the knowledge I gathered to create this method that I am sure will help a lot of guys out there. It covers everything from “preparing” to bump uglies, to the actual “dirty deed” itself. To be more precise, you will learn:

1.How to change the way you think and feel about sex and yourself.

2.Some easy to follow tips to beat anxiety in general

3.The right preparation techniques before sex.

4.Tricks that will help you stop ejaculation form occurring early during sex

5.The importance of communication with your partner.

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So, shall we begin?

Step One: Believe that you are not the problem

When it comes to people suffering from addictions and other similar problems, the first thing that experts tell them before starting their treatment, is to accept that they have a problem. Well, in the case of men cumming too fast, the opposite is true. You have to actually believe and truly understand that YOU are not the problem.

You are an absolutely healthy man. There isn’t something physically wrong with you (most of the physical conditions that cause premature ejaculation are pretty serious, i.e. prostate cancer, and have other, much more severe, symptoms as well). The problem is only in your head and on the way you have been conditioned to regard sex by movies, magazines and maybe even other guys.

If you want to beat anxiety in bed, then you simply need to stop worrying about whether you come too soon or not. You need to BELIEVE that sex is all about giving and receiving pleasure. Just because some guys bring a stopwatch to bed (yes, people actually do that), doesn’t mean that you need to do the same. Lasting long DOESN’T make you a good lover. Being able to make your partner experience an orgasm and receive as much pleasure as possible during the act is what makes you a good lover.

Become more sexual

The first step to conquer sexual performance anxiety is to actually learn about sex itself. Just pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra or some other guide and study it closely. Learn new and fun positions and get yourself psyched about trying them out (variety in bed is key to beating sexual performance anxiety and keeping long-term relationships fresh). Learn new ways to provide pleasure to your partner. In other words, when thinking about sex, you should be thinking about IT and not about men cumming later than you and how to beat them. Sex is not an endurance race!

Become more confident

Another thing you need to do if you want to deal with sexual anxiety once and for all, is to build your sexual confidence. You need to be getting over any bad sexual experiences you’ve had or think you had. One of the best things that you can do in order to achieve that is to simply stand in front of a mirror and keep talking about how awesome you are. Just think of all the times you have made women moan with pleasure! Doesn’t that mean that you are a great lover? I know that this technique may sound a bit iffy, but it has worked wonders for me! Never EVER think “I cum too fast” from now on.

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Step Two: Get over anxiety in general

Well, sexual performance is not but one aspect of the many headed monster that is anxiety. Let’s just say that in modern life there are more than enough “tigers” that our minds need to protect us from. Those “predators” won’t eat us, but they will cause negative feelings and they can be found in all aspects of our life. It goes without saying that work, or lack thereof, is one of the greatest sources of anxiety. Relationships with other people, not just lovers but friends and family as well, are a close second and the list goes on…

This anxiety “bleeds” into your sex life and transforms itself into sexual anxiety. So, if you want to not cum too fast, you need to first learn how control anxiety in your life.

Take up a hobby!

Believe it or not, the best way to keep anxiety at bay is to simply keep your mind occupied! If you have a hobby, any kind of hobby, to fill your free time then your mind won’t have the time to think about how to make ends meet, the state of your relationship with your family and men cumming too fast or too slow. Hobbies make us feel good and they kick stressors out of our lives. I took up playing video games again and I found myself feeling incredibly relaxed after each session.  Trust me, there is nothing wrong for anxiety than sitting around with nothing to do.

“The devil will find work for idle hands to do”, goes the old saying, well I found that it applies to idle minds as well!

Take up Yoga

Yes, I know how it sounds! I am not a new age tree hugger or anything like that and I was skeptical when it came to yoga, it was all eastern / hipster mambo jumbo as far as I was concerned, but after taking a couple of lessons, my view changed dramatically! Taking up a form of relaxation and meditation focus yoga will help you greatly with overcoming anxiety in general and sexual anxiety in particular.

Any healthy man is welcome to yoga classes. Just Google yoga classes and your area and you will definitely find many groups and classes. I strongly recommend that you enroll in a gym and not just because I find young women in Yoga pants extremely sexy, but also because it’s good to have an instructor present to help you with your first steps. If for some reason you can’t or don’t want to join a gym (again I recommend that you as it will boost your confidence and make you feel more outgoing, like it did for me) then you can find videos and classes online as well. A quick search for relaxation yoga on YouTube will definitely produce tens of thousands of results.

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Step Three: Relax before sex with these tried and tested methods

It goes without saying that the fear and anxiety about premature cum is not just going to disappear overnight. The more relaxed you feel and are before hitting the sack however, the more it will take you to cum.

Take a hot shower or drink a warm beverage before sex

Believe it or not, warmness is closely associated with comfort and relaxation. This is why we all get less productive during the summer, or when it gets too hot. Feeling warm, will make you feel less nervous before sex. So, just take a hot shower or have a cup of warm cocoa or chocolate before you get intimate with your lady. That warm and fuzzy feeling that you will be feeling, will actually help you with controlling your male cumming.

Practice breathing and other relaxation exercises before sex.

Breathing exercises can help reduce sex anxiety as well as some of its “symptoms”, such as increased heart rate and shallow breathing that can cause you to cum too fast. The following is a basic, yet really effective breathing exercise known as abdominal breathing:

1.Put one hand on your chest and place the other on your belly.

2.Take a deep breath in through your nose and try to make sure that your diaphragm (not your chest) fills with enough air to stretch your lungs.

3.Exhale slowly.

4.Try to do six to ten deep slow inhales and exhales as described above per minute for 10 minutes, in order to drastically reduce your heart rate and blood pressure.

Another great relaxation technique that can help you better control when you cum during sex is the so called guided visualization technique.

1.Record yourself talking about your happy place. A place where you are completely free of anxiety and worries of any kind. This can be either a real place, i.e. your childhood home, a beautiful place you vacationed in, or fictional i.e. your idea of paradise.

2.Now close your eyes, take deep, slow and deliberate breaths and try to empty your mind entirely.

3.Focus on visualizing that place, on letting it fill your mind.

4.Focus on the feelings that you felt or you expect to feel in that place. Let those positive emotions fill you and chase out the negative ones.

5.Open your eyes and enjoy your relaxed state! Try not to ruin it by thinking about sexual performance anxiety and other stuff like that!

Again, the above methods may sound a bit too new age-y for some of you – I was just like you, after all – but I wouldn’t have shared them with you if they hadn’t helped me a lot with learning how to not cum too fast. Try them out and see so yourselves! The will help you relax during sex, which is essential in order to be able to stop cumming prematurely. Remember, only if you learn how to control anxiety will you be able to “cure” your premature cumming.

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Step Four: Fool proof ways to control male ejaculation during sex

All the previous tips have been about how to treat premature ejaculation naturally and without the use of pills and other substances. Now we are going to take a look on ways to control ejaculation during sex. Those are more practical and some involve “aids” such as condoms.

Try different positions

Like I said earlier, study and try out as many sexual positions as you can. New positions throw your mind and body off, which means that you will come less quickly. Your entire “system” will be focused on dealing with the new position and trying to make the most of it, which will put premature cum in the back burner. Just try to keep things a bit simple, since more complicated and “acrobatic” positions could make your sexual performance even worse. If a position looks like it could only be pulled off by Olympic gymnasts, then stay away from it, in order to avoid nervousness before and during sex.

Use thicker or retarding condoms

Sexual confidence is not built overnight, but you can help her “grow”. Anxiety in bed can lead in you cumming as soon as your genitals star getting aroused. Thicker condoms (it goes without saying that you should ALWAYS be wearing a condom during sex) can help you lust longer since they will keep your penis from getting over-aroused. Retarding or performance condoms are also thick and they contain a special numbing agent to delay your cum even more. You can also try using numbing sprays for the same effect, but you will probably experience less pleasure

Use special drugs (after talking to a doctor of course)

Now I did say that if you cum too soon there is probably nothing physically wrong with you. There is however one condition that can make you cum early: depression, or lack of Serotonin. I don’t mean that you are not a healthy man, just that your system isn’t producing some substances as much as it should. That’s what actually causes depression. Some antidepressants can help you last longer in bed. Just make sure to confer with a doctor before taking anything. I did find that some mild antidepressants did have some effect on me and that worked wonders as far as becoming more sexually confident was concerned. I did however talk with my doctor before taking any pills.


Step Five (optional): Communicate with your partner

Now by stating that this step is optional, I mean that people looking for short term relationships or one night stands, will most likely find nothing useful here. People in long term relationships or even married guys, will definitely find it useful and should ABSOLUTELY follow it.

Like I said, I am mainly monogamous and that was crucial in my fight against sexual performance anxiety. I simply talked about my problem with my partners and they made everything in their power to help me. Honesty is the best policy as far as sexual performance issues are concerned. Once your partner knows that you have a problem, then you will deal with it together and you won’t be worried about failing or disappointing them.

Women are not heartless monsters that only care about sex and orgasms, especially if you establish meaningful relationships with them. Trust me, the relief you will feel when talking about your problem with your significant other, will be one of the best feelings you will ever experience. It’s kind of like therapy, only without a huge bill at the end!


So there you have it. Preventing PE is not easy and it definitely won’t happen overnight. This amazing guide however has provided you with all the necessary steps that will help you learn how to not cum too fast and that in the end will lead you to conquer sexual performance anxiety once and for all. Those things worked for me and I am sure that they will work for you too. Just hang in there and trust me, the best is yet to come!